I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
