I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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