where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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