I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
