If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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