I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
