So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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