She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
