I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
