i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
