Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
