If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
