i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
