My nipple is on Facebook.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
