i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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