actually, I'm a sock model
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
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