This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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