i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
