I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
