Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
