There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
