i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
