I'm lost and stupid without you.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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