I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it hurts more in the daytime
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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