Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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