I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
