i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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