it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
