Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
