I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
