my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
