My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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