Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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