so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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