Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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