DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Sober January is a disaster.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
