I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
