Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
