i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
