Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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