alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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