She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm like, not good at living.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
