hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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