Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
ugly people sure do ruin things
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
