He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
