And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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