remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
