i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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