marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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