remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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