my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
