Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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