The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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