apparently the secret to your success is patron
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
