she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
