Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
