That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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