I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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