He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
