I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
