that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
