the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
