I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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