Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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