I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
