Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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