i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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