I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize