walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
